Power Relationships 101

Secret 1: Try Their Shoes On

(An excerpt from The Five Secrets to Power Relationships)

girl in big shoes     The first secret is as simple as the old adage to “walk a mile in their shoes”.  Kindness is an amazing tool.  During my 8-year study of over 3,000 people, I found one thing to be universally true: Everyone has a story.

Every human being on the planet has suffered trauma in life.  From absent fathers to actual civil wars, each one of us has scars and wounds that are still healing.

When I think about how the body works, it really blows my mind to see how closely physiology follows psychology.  When our body has physical wounds, it responds by sending antibodies to the wounds site to fight off any invaders (bacteria) that might enter.

How similar are we when we’re wounded in business or in love?  It takes a long time for us to heal up and stop sending little warriors to fight off invaders to the wounded space.

Take a moment to consider the other person’s point of view when you’re interacting with them and adjust your approach to find a solution that works for everyone.  That moment alone could help you change the results you get, but here are two concrete tactics you can today:


1.   Accept the Truth and Find the Gems

Diamond in the roughYin and Yang refer to the idea that for every positive there is a negative.

The concept is repeated in the Law of Action-Reaction and the idea of Risk vs. Reward.

It’s repeated in so many ways because it is true.  It’s the balance that allows us free will – the choice between “good” and “evil”.

If we agree the principle is true, we can agree that in every situation or relationship, there are some parts positive and some parts negative.

The first tactic to help you walk a mile in the other’s shoes is to accept and even celebrate the truth about that person.

For example – the woman who had an absentee father may actually have a very strong sense of independence as a result.  The truth is her father was absent, the gem is that she is fiercely independent.

To walk in someone’s shoes, expend some effort to understand the hard truths in their lives and think how those truths have affected their outlook in life and how they have shaped the complex beauty of that individual.

Sometimes the value of celebrating the truth is in what it helps you Not do, as much as what it helps you do.

If the relationship in question is one with a heroin addict, accepting the truth about their addiction might help you decide not to give them money – the gem.

So, tactic one is to accept the REAL truth (even if you don’t like it!) and find the gems (the positive side).

2.   Choose to Trust in a Cynical World

The second tactic is far more difficult than the previous.  It’s also far more powerful.  Choosing to trust is an exercise that must be practiced on a daily basis and will take some time to become a habit. We are taught from the beginning of life by parents, society, and experiences to withhold trust.

My personal experience with this tactic changed my view on everything in life and opened opportunities for me that I had never before imagined. I talk more about that with my coaching clients and in my upcoming book,  Power Point of View: A Ladypreneur’s Guide to Unleashing Her Super Powers.

This tactic falls in line with the first that tells you to accept the real truth and find the gems.  With tactic two, we take that exercise one step further by choosing to ALWAYS believe what a person tells us when we don’t have evidence to dispute. How’s THAT for walking a mile in their shoes? Don’t you always want to be believed?

It’s important to realize that choosing to trust is different than being gullible, especially when you are willing to accept the real truth.

So, the first secret to Power Relationships is to be kind to the people and things you’re in relationship with, including yourself!  Do that by celebrating the real truth, finding the positives every time, and learning to always trust.


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